When Life Lets You Down

What do you do when your heart feels so heavy that even breathing tires you out? What do you do when the tears just won’t stop falling even after you’ve used up a whole box of Kleenex? What do you do when people around you make light of your situation? What do you do when you tell someone you love him and he thanks you for it? So, what do you do when all you have ever wanted is a sliver of happiness and a dash of love?

You carry on with life. That’s what you do. Even if life keeps letting you down.

A Merry Little World

I don’t know what it is about snow globes that makes me happy. I love snow globes. I love to watch the tiny flakes of shimmering snow scatter and fall within the globe. I find it both mesmerising and therapeutic. It’s a simple kind of happiness; something that I find immensely gratifying in this often sad and complicated world.

I own only one tiny snow globe. The beautiful fairy sitting inside the globe looks so peaceful that I just have to shake up her world a bit and watch the snow flakes swoosh around. I chanced upon it during a holiday in Melbourne last year. It is now sitting on my office desk, serving as a welcome distraction every time I need a break.

I haven’t come across any other snow globe that has caught my eye since. Something simple, non-tacky and tiny. Something that looks fascinating enough to have me fantasise about how it feels like to be encased in a tiny sphere full of liquid and merry, shiny snow flakes.

Goodbye My Lover

My friends used to say that every song is my “favourite” song. I would be the one to exclaim with such excitement – “Oh! I love this song! It’s my favourite song!” – and hum along (or start dancing depending on how inebriated I was at that point of time). My friends also knew that I was the kind of person who would play a song on repeat mode – over and over and over again driving everyone else crazy.

This particular song never fails to touch me every time I listen to it. I get goosebumps and great melancholy fills my heart. It reminds me of a closed chapter of my life. Closed, but never quite forgotten…

Goodbye My Lover – James Blunt
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Oh, What I Wouldn’t Do For Vanity!

So there I was, stripped to my panty, lying face down covered with a sheet of cloth, waiting for my spa experience to begin. I’d been looking forward to that; all day at work the only thing that I could think about was the pleasure of being oiled and massaged, scrubbed and polished till my skin feels like a baby’s bottom (I could only hope) and the tight knots and stresses disappear.

The only other time that I had gone for a spa treatment was while I was holidaying in Bangkok, and boy, that experience at FACE Bangkok was truly amazing. In fact, because it was so amazing I was convinced this subsequent one would be just as good if not better. After all, I had picked out the Cocoon treatment out of the options available. Just thinking about the word “cocoon” conjured up images of comfort and warmth; I thought I would be wrapped up in something snugly that would lull me to sweet slumber.

First up, was the salt scrub. The therapist started scrubbing my body with coarse salt in firm, circular motions. It was slightly painful but pleasurable. All done, I was asked to rinse off. After that came the second part of the treatment. I was expecting a massage but instead the therapist started brushing something really warm (almost hot) on my legs. I yelped!

What the hell was that, I asked. Apparently it was hot paraffin wax which was supposed to soften my skin and seal in moisture. Er, ok.

She continued. I yelped again. The person in the next room must have been wondering about the kind of torment I was going through.

“This is torture!” I said.

“Ma’am, now is torture, but later your skin will be beauuutiful,” replied the very calm therapist in her singsong tone.

Yeah, right, I thought. I was sure she found my reaction very amusing.

At one point I realised that I was shedding tears. I didn’t care anymore that I was being such a baby. It was painful and I was not going to pretend otherwise. Every time she brushed the darn thing on me, I winced and gritted my teeth. Occasional yelps escaped from my mouth.

So why didn’t I stop the treatment?

I really believed that my skin would be beauuutiful after that session. And suffer I did for the sake of vanity.

P.S. – I was pretty happy with the result, but never going back for any “cocoon” treatments.

You Don’t Know Me

How could you call me self-centred when I worry about how easily others can manipulate you;
Sweet words and songs of praises are all it takes to get you nodding;
Trusting the very hawks that have been circling, waiting to swoop in for the kill.

How could you call me aloof when we’ve never bared our souls to each other;
Never really made hugs and kisses a familiar routine;
Never letting me explain my hopes and dreams before making a judgement.

How could you call me heartless when I cry for a pet that was my true companion;
Trivialising my sorrow;
Dismissing the pain I’m feeling from having lost the bundle of joy who gave me unconditional love.

How could you call me insufferable when all you do is talk behind my back;
Griping about my faults for all and sundry to hear;
Not acknowledging the good that I’ve done.

You could call me all that and more, I’ve realised
Simply because you’ve never known me
Betrayed and hurt;
It’s time to walk away.

WRITE ME A PRESCRIPTION, PLEASE

Is loneliness a disease? The constant feeling of emptiness, a vacuum in the heart that only melancholy lingers in, the yearning of companionship that prevails even when you’re in boisterous company. Is this loneliness? If it is, what’s the prescription, doc?